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Well Hi There
what it is like

Do you have to bleed to know you are alive? could you imagine what it is like to take a razor blade and cut your self 50 to 100 times in one night?
well I have to deal with this everyday. I am constantly battling with cutting. I have gone as far a steeling a razor blade from Wal- mart to cut.
My body is a temple used to act out my pain. I cut for numerous reasons. I have never done it for attention. when I cut it is because I am in so much pain. I feel I am not good enough for this world.My cutting is to make me feel better its for me. The weird thing is that to me cutting makes me more perfect. it fulfills a empty spot. to me my scares are like art. each one tells its own story and has created its own healing.When I look at my arms I dont see enough scares,
Have you ever had to deal with a cutter? Have you ever witnessed what its like to see a batch of fresh cuts? well I can tell you it is hard. from being on both sides of the fence. I have a good friend who self harms all the time, but she wont admit it to her self. It is hard, but I have no room to talk because I cut all the time. there was a time when I thought I couldn't live with out cutting, but now I know I can. I have went 4 weeks with out it, and then last night I had to do it. I had to cut. it felt so good. But at the same time it is scary. Cause I know one day this will take my life. and I don't want to die.
To those who are cutters, I cant stress this enough, tell someone. they wont get mad they wont hurt you, the most they will do is get you some help. If you are scared to be locked up in a lonely ben, don't be `cause it is actually fun. and there are some cool people in there.
I have been through a lot in my 8 years of self mutilation but let me tell you, nothing feels better that telling someone your secret and realizing people do love you. I am scared of love, I hate being hurt, but the love people show you when you self harm is amazing. It feels better than anything in this world.
If you want help stay with me and read about my world where alls I can hear is a bright red scream.



butterflys are so beautiful

Dont forget
Before moving on to my other pages please sign the guest book or e-mail me.
blondeangel4u247@yahoo.com

When, Why, and How I cut
I cut when I am scared, mad, upset, hurt, or sad. From my childhood, I was taught to keep my feeling inside. so that is when I cut.
I cut to feel something, I am numb, from keeping everything locked up inside me. I guess its the only thing I can feel. I Bleed to know I am alive.
I use anything i can get my hands on to cut, I have used knifes, blades, plastic, pins, and wood

Here I am
Helloooooooooooooo!!


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